It is with great sadness that I announce the death of my old friend, Antonio.
It is with some embarrassment and shame that I announce that he died in 2005 and that I just found out about it yesterday. Reading Michelle’s blog regularly has made me think more of old friends, so I decided to Google him last night to see what I could find out. I found a page dedicated to him at the AIDS Walk Los Angeles website. Apparently his mom and his oldest friend walked in honor of Antonio in 2007. Although it’s been six months since the walk, I donated some money to their team. It felt like the only way available to offer my support and condolences to his family.
I last saw him in December 2002, when I was in the midst of my breakdown. We made plans to get together soon after for breakfast, but that never happened. I called him many times, emailed him and tried to re-connect with him when I moved back to L.A. Even Tom tried to get in touch with him to invite him to our engagement party. I’ll never know what happened. I imagine that he knew he was getting sicker and didn’t want to involve me. It makes me sad that I was shut out of the last years of his life and sad that I was not able to mourn him properly.
We met at SFSU and remained friends for 10 years. We shared many experiences together—State, 415 O’Farrell Street, countless productions, SF, LA, NYC, to name just some of the highlights—and he was an important part of my life for so long. Of course, it made me upset when he stopped talking to me, but I accepted that, for whatever reason, he needed to take care of himself. At least, I felt, he was still in the world. Knowing that he isn’t, that he’s been gone for three years, makes me very sad.
Rest in peace, my friend. I love you and will miss you even more now.